How Can You Tell If You Are In A Toxic Relationship
Here are some clues how you can tell if you are in a toxic relationship:
Your partner tries to make you dependent on them.
You have changed things about yourself to please them.
Your partner puts you down (verbally) in front of others.
While your partner says they love you, their actions do not back it up.
Your partner is controlling – reading your mail or "showing up" at places just to "check up" on you.
A toxic relationship has a cycle. There is a honeymoon period, followed by a blow up, followed by a reconciliation, at which point the cycle begins all over again. Toxic people make you feel ill simply by being around them. So why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically bruised?
When you first meet a new partner, you are obviously in the honeymoon stage. It is not until they have sucked you in further that you realize that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is usually difficult to get out of the relationship. One reason is that many people in toxic relationships grow up in toxic homes. As a result, they replicate the patterns of their childhood without even knowing they are doing it; and they may not know any better. Others believe they do not deserve happiness. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.
But the first step in getting out and staying out of toxic relationships is to realize that you DO have choices. Often people who stay in these relationships have low self esteem or suffer from depression. Once you realize that you have choices, the next step is to start standing up for yourself. In most toxic relationships, the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.
For some people, working in therapy groups can help either get out of or redefine these horrible relationships. The good news is that some people are able to break the cycles of toxic relationships. Some of them leave the relationship and form new, healthier bonds. Others are actually able to repair their relationship and stay in it.
The truth is that most relationships are able to be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.
The first thing you need to decide is that the relationship must improve or you will walk away. If you are not willing to walk away, you will never be able to heal that which divides you. Once you have liberated yourself from the dependency that is at the core of a toxic relationship, you can start to assert what you need from the connection. Do not nag the other person. Simply say "I need your support," "I need your love," or "I need your truthful opinion."
If you do not get what you need, the other person should know that you are prepared to walk.
Bottom Line: A healthy relationship is a two-way street. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way. You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.
Additional Resources
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